【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法

【雅思作文批改】5分过于口语化注意语法

1:政府应该对铁路比公路花钱 这位同学整体架构比较完整口语化比较严重语法错误比较多基础不够扎实需多多练习。最终得分4.5-5分还有很大的进步空间。




作文题目:大作文剑11Test1大作文


Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

作文内容

Traffic problem has disturbed government for a long term,as a lot of measure [b1] have been taken to solve that, [b2] there are still some problems remained,m[b3] any people say that government should spend more money on rail rather than road,but i can not[b4] totally agree with this opinion.

Railway, comparing [b5] with road,has larger capacity to load [b6] goods or people,and it is also a good choice for long-distance travel.One of the advantages of rail is that you will never meet a traffic light or jam on your way to the destiny[b7] .Government have invest [b8] a lot to make it more safe[b9] and convenient[b10] ,but sometimes it [b11] still makes trouble for people when it is at[b12] peak time;[b13] such as Spring Festival in China,there are even not enough tickets for those passengers who want to go home and [b14] they have to stay in the waiting room for a long time.So more basic facilities or more trains are needed to serve such a large number of people and increase the degree of comfort in passenger s [b15] journey.

On the contrast,road ,as another way that frequently used,is more flexible than railway,b[b16] ut things changed when traffic condition is poor,ad [b17] people nowadays spend a lot of time on traffic jam due to the increasing number of private cars,especially in those major cities.In order to figure this problem,government should invest to build more roads like [b18] overhead-roads to release the traffic stress ,so that the air quality[b19] in cities will improve a lot ,too.[b20]

Overall,fund [b21] are needed in both of areas,but it is not wise to say that more money should be used in rail or road,it must according [b22] to the circumstance.

[b1]measures
[b2]but
[b3]注意断句Many
[b4]写作中是cannot
[b5]compared
[b6]transfer
[b7]destination
[b8]has invested
[b9]safer
[b10]more convenient
[b11]指谁
[b12]改成during
[b13]符号不对
[b14]又是连接谁
[b15]passengers
[b16]另起一句大写
[b17]
[b18]这是口语用词
[b19]和空气质量有关这个逻辑在哪里
[b20]口语
[b21]funds
[b22]情态动词后用原形


各项细评




针对问题最大的一点指出问题

改这篇文章感觉像是改口语段子因为口语化的说法很多最大的问题是简单语法错误和复杂语法中句子的断句。句子可以写长但长句也遵循语法规则需要连词或者合适的代词。需要系统学习语法。
临考前建议整理一下论点思路考场发挥尽量不要出大的语法错误就可以了。



附批改原图






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